3 Ways you're Unintentionally Destroying your Culture
Your culture is built by behavior. It’s not what you say it is or what you write in your employee handbook or pitch deck. It is the daily behavior of YOU & every single person on your team that ultimately creates the culture at your company. Whether your culture rocks or sucks, it’s ultimately you & your team’s fault. No one else's!
So, if you have a great culture, take a moment to reflect on which behaviors you & your team are doing that are creating that positive culture.
If you have a mediocre, or even toxic culture, take a moment to reflect on what those behaviors are that are creating your less-than-ideal culture.
In the culture work I do with my clients, more often than not the negative behaviors that are dragging their cultures down are completely unintentional. So as a first step, we must become aware of them - shine a light on those blind spots. Then, the team can make an intentional choice to continue doing those behaviors, or to change them, to create the culture that is right for their unique organization.
Here are 3 ways you may be unintentionally destroying your culture:
1. You’re having a Meeting After the Meeting
One of the biggest culture destroyers is the dreaded, yet way too common, Meeting After the Meeting.
If you or your team wait until after the meeting to express your true feelings & opinions, it’s a sign that your culture lacks psychological safety. People don’t feel safe to speak up, disagree, or engage in respectful conflict. This stifles creativity, innovation, & connection. It’s passive aggressive at its best, & totally toxic at its worst.
High-performing teams share their real opinions, express their doubts, engage in healthy conflict, they put it all on the table & leave the room aligned. THIS is what you want for your team.
Here’s the thing - you might be doing this & you didn’t even realize it. Your team might be doing this, & they don’t even realize it. If you engage in a ‘Meeting after the Meeting’, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. You just may have never known what effect this behavior has on your culture.
So what can you do about it?
Call it out. At your next meeting, share these cartoons. Bring awareness to the toxic behavior.
Get curious. Allow the team space to discuss:
What do you all think about ‘The Meeting after the Meeting’?
What causes people to engage in this behavior?
In what way(s) would the team be different if we stopped this behavior?
What do we want to do differently going forward so that we no longer have ‘Meetings after the Meeting?
Commit to change. As a team, commit to putting your learning into action & decide what you can & want to do differently going forward.
“A [team] is strongest when people feel comfortable challenging each other in the open. Ideas are made stronger by the diversity of hands that touch them.”
2. You’re Breaking Trust
Another way you may be destroying your culture is by unintentionally breaking trust with your teammates.
Now, I’m not saying you don’t know how to build trust, what I’m saying is you may not know the best ways to build it with the people on your team. Trust, like culture, is built by behavior. Trust is also broken by, you guessed it, behavior! But the behaviors that build trust for me can be totally different than the behaviors that build trust for you. The behaviors that break trust with one of your teammates could not even phase you in the trust department.
I want you to think about someone in your life (personally or professionally) that you completely trust. Now, take out a pen & paper & write down the BEHAVIORS that this person engages in that makes you trust them.
Next, think about someone in your life who you DO NOT trust. Write down the behaviors that they do that break your trust.
It’s important to know & communicate what behaviors build trust for you AND for your teammates. You may unintentionally be doing things that are breaking their trust, & vice versa.
Even the smallest things can break trust with people. You might be 5 minutes late to a meeting, & it's not a big deal to you, but unknowingly it has been a huge breach of trust with one of your teammates. Your coworker might always hit their results, but they never show up to team bonding events, & so you don’t trust them (but they don’t know that).
Recently when I was doing a Team Strategy & Trust Workshop with a client, someone said that a behavior that breaks their trust is when people have their phones out at meetings. They said it made them feel like they weren’t important. Their teammate spoke up & said that he is guilty of that behavior, but that he never meant to break anyone’s trust by it. He shared that one time he ignored several calls during a meeting, & his wife had actually been in an accident. So now, he always checks his phone when it rings, & if it is his family, he will leave the room to take the call.
This interaction deepened the team’s trust, connection, & understanding. They established a new rule of engagement - they could have phones out, check the calls coming in, & if it’s family they can (& should!) leave to take the call. No longer did anyone feel like trust was being broken by that behavior, & no longer was anyone unintentionally breaking trust.
So what can you do about it?
Do the Trust reflection with your teammates. At your next meeting have the team reflect on the following questions, have everyone share their answers, & engage in a discussion around trust building & trust breaking behaviors:
Think of someone in your life who you completely TRUST. What are the behaviors they engage in that make you trust them more?
Think of someone in your life who you DO NOT trust. What are the behaviors they engage in that break your trust?
Design a group alliance. Establish your own team rules of engagement based on the discussion to build a high-trust culture.
Plan for the future. As a team, determine what you all will do to safely bring up when someone is engaging in a behavior that may be unintentionally breaking trust on the team going forward.
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SIGN UP3. You’re Stuck in Analysis Paralysis
The third way you may be unintentionally destroying your culture is by not actually doing anything. Often we think building culture is really complex, difficult, expensive, & takes a lot of time. But that’s just not true - it’s a story you’re telling yourself.
You can build culture & make a big impact in just 5 minutes by connecting with someone, communicating the vision, telling a joke, or making someone smile. Here’s the thing though - you have to take action & actually do it.
Remember: culture is built by BEHAVIOR. It’s good to take time to think, plan, reflect, learn, & be intentional, but don’t let yourself stay stuck in analysis paralysis. Stop spinning your wheels. You’re making it harder than it has to be. You’re standing in your own way & wasting precious time overthinking building your culture. That time is better spent on actually building culture!
So what can you do about it? Here are my favorite ways to build culture in 5 minutes or less (& where you get the greatest Culture ROI!):
Champion. Compliment a teammate & make it specific! Tie the compliment to their personal/professional goals, values or the vision & mission of the organization.
Example: “Your presentation yesterday was incredible! I know that you want to do more public speaking this year, which is out of your comfort zone, & you are doing it! I am so inspired by you!”
Gratitude. Thank someone for something they did or the positive energy they bring to the team. Sharing gratitude is one of the best ways to build culture AND it is incredible for your own personal happiness.
Connect. Connect with someone by being genuinely curious with them. Ask them a question & truly listen. Create a space for them to be seen, heard & valued. Go beyond “what did you do this weekend?” Curiosity = care. You could ask:
What’s one thing you’re really excited about right now?
What’s one challenge you’re facing right now?
And guess what? These things can all be done in person or virtually! You can champion, express gratitude, & be genuinely curious with your teammates on Slack/Teams, via a recorded video, a phone call, on Zoom, or in-person. It doesn’t matter the medium - you’re building culture!
Alright leader, you did it! You’ve taken the first step! You are now aware of these behaviors. Your blind spots are no longer in the shadows - the flashlight is shining bright on them. You can’t do better until you know better, & now you know better! So go do better! Be intentional. Take action. Get creative. Have FUN!
I hear you - building culture isn’t easy. But you don’t have to do it alone! Click here to meet with a Perk coach & learn how you can take your leadership & team to the next level in a super fun & super effective way!
Pssst...I LOVE connecting with & growing my community! Feel free to connect with me on LinkedIn - see you there! 🤗
